


Breaking Ren

by 1999Kylo



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Dominant!Kylo Ren/Reader, F/M, Ginger hitler!!!, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren - Freeform, Kylo Ren/Female Reader - Freeform, Kylo has an identity crisis, Manipulative!Reader, Open Ending, Spy!Reader, Stockholm Syndrome, Well - Freeform, angryHux, generalHux - Freeform, kylo ren harms reader, light saber abuse, noncon, open ending lasts like 2 weeks heh, threats of rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 18:32:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 21,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11880357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1999Kylo/pseuds/1999Kylo
Summary: You, a spy from the resistance, are easily plucked from the crowd by Kylo Ren, but are not killed for interrogation. Ren decides to keep you around, giving you a chance to convince him that what he is doing isn't right. In your fight for survival, will you be able to bring him home to Organa, or will you succumb?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings???
> 
> •Interrogation  
> •Ren threatens you with his light saber  
> •Reader is locked in a room alone  
> •Evidence Of Kylo's temper tantrums  
> •Gross(ish) depictions of your wounds

Your eyes fluttered open. The darkness surrounding you was confusing, as you would normally get at least a little bit of star light in your window. But you weren't in your room... A burning pain in your side ripped you from your slumber, if you could even call it that. It was more of a black out, per se, but you couldn't remember anything. You gasped as you tried to sit up, the pain too much for you. You lifted your shirt to reveal a large gash in your side, dark reddish brown, almost black flesh mapping the pain. The skin on your right side running up your rib cage was only just starting to scab, so you knew you couldn't have been out long. You stretched your arm above your head, wincing at the pain as you brushed your arm against the wall.

 You noticed you hadn't been wearing your usual first order uniform. The modest long pants, even sometimes a skirt, and blazer were nowhere to be found, and instead you were left wearing your undergarments. You had too many things to worry about than just the clothes you were wearing, though. You 

 You didn't recognize the room you resided in, as they were not even remotely your quarters, nor was the room any part of the ship that you've ever been in, but you had only been there for about 30 days, so there was always the possibility that you missed out on a room. Your mandatory tour excluded the other workers' quarters, so perhaps you were in a member of the first order's bland room that was empty aside from a chair and a bench? But, it didn't seem like a housing quarter in any way. The walls were... Well, you couldn't perfectly  _see_ them. But they were cold and metallic, and...  _burned_? Yes! They were burned. But why? 

 Suddenly, a bright light blinded you for a moment. You blinked hard and covered your eyes with your hands until you notice that your hands had been covered in your blood. You moved your hands away from your face. The wound in your side began nagging you again, seemingly worse than before as your heart raced. You heard unintelligible speaking outside of the room, and you tried desperately to listen, but the metal walls blocked you from hearing what was being said. 

 You turned your attention to the walls, seeing that there were patches of melted or burned metal and broken red wires poking out of crevices. You weakly ran your fingers over a patch, feeling the grit of the burned metal. You heard shouting. You turned towards a part of the box like room where you heard the sound coming from. Suddenly, a section of the wall started lifting. Now, you had seen automatic doors everywhere. But this? This was completely hidden. You watched the door as it lifted. It seemed so much slower than it actually was.

 You first noticed a pair of big black boots walking into the room. You were instantly struck with nausea as everything flooded back to your mind. You knew the one wearing the boots was the infamous Kylo Ren. You looked him up and down, seeing he had on his mask. You weren't sure if you'd rather have him wear it or not. As if you could decide though. After Kylo stepped in, the door closed. 

You stared at the masked man, conflicted as to whether or not you should be glad he had the mask covering his face. It was silent in the room for what felt like forever, until a heavily modulated voice spoke. "I presume you're with the resistance." You swallowed hard, shaking your head. You heard somewhat of a chuckle, once again heavily filtered by the mask. "It wasn't truly a question- more or less, it was to let you know that I know," he stated coldly. You were silent. "Why were you sent here?" He asked as he stared at you. You tried to find eyes behind the pitch black visor to no alas. You remained silent. He would get nothing from you. He reached down, grabbing his weapon. He patted it against his gloved hand, clicked the red button. Our shot a long glowing red beam with two shorter handle like ones on either side. You stared at it, then back up to Ren's visor. He pointed it towards the gashed side of your body skillfully, the extreme heat stinging the wound and causing the dead flesh to bubble. "As you've already felt this on your side..." he started. Your eyes widened slightly as you realized that HE had been responsible for the destroyed flesh that ran up the right side of your body.

"So I'd assume it wouldn't be too hard to reimagine the pain in a different spot... say, your throat," he stated, ripping you from your thoughts as he brought the plasma blade mere centimeters from your neck. You felt your skin peeling back. Not enough to draw blood, of course, but rather to expose the pink flesh that lay beneath the skin. You took in a breathy gasp, trying your hardest not to move any closer to it. Ren withdrew his saber and began pacing the room slowly. He stopped at an extremely damaged fraction of the room, running a gloved hand over broken wires calmly. Without warning, he clicked on his light saber, slicing into the wall with no trouble. He stabbed it and swung it around violently before finally powering it off and putting it back into his belt. He was staring at the ground. "...Would be a shame if that were you," he stated, his chest heaving ever so slightly. "I was sent as a spy. By General Organa," you stated reluctantly after a moment. It pained you to throw her under the bus like this, but you had to for your own sake. But what did it matter? You would most likely be killed off anyways. Maybe you'd be spared torture, though. You noticed Ren's shoulders drop. His fingers twitched, but he said nothing. He left the room soon after, and you were once again left alone with your wounds.

 You sat wondering why he was so upset by you mentioning Organa if he decided to leave her. You understood that she was his mother, but he was the one who bailed on his family, not the other way around. 

'He's an odd man,' you thought to yourself. You felt your hair brush against the fresh wound on your neck. You winced, carefully picking strands of hair from the melted flesh. You gagged at the disgusting sensation, covering your mouth. The lights in the room flashed off, and the only light source was the small sparks flying from the freshly damaged wall. 


	2. Chapter 2

After laying your head to rest for the previous night, you were awoken carelessly by being shaken violently. Your eyes flashed open and were attacked with light as you spotted a man with long, dark hair wearing an all black outfit. His shirt was clinging to his body, a turtleneck like shell wrapping around his neck. You stared at him, confused.

"I brought you food," he said blandly. You watched his Adam's apple rise and fall as he swallowed his saliva, and you noted how tense he seemed.

 You glanced to the tray in his hand, seeing a small portion of bread, some sort of strange vegetable or root, and a glass of suspicious liquid.

"Are you trying to poison me? What does it matter? It's not like anyone will notice, like Ren will care," you stated harshly, biting the inside of your mouth. You noticed the young man tense up again, raising his chin.

"He actually ordered the food to be sent to you. Now eat, Ren..."

The young man paused.

" _Ren_ ordered me to stay until you have eaten everything," he stated more confidently. You looked at him, confused. You took the food from his bare, pale hands. He sat down in the single chair in the room. You then picked up the muffin shaped piece of bland bread, taking a bite from it. 

"That isn't the first order uniform," you stated, crumbs falling from your mouth as you spoke.

"I'm more of an assistant... I do things for Ren," he stated quietly. You continued to eat silently.

the dry bread irritated your taste buds, so you decided to give the roots a try. The moment you bit into the vegetable, you spit it back out. It was dry and it tasted like dust. You shook your head and pushed the tray towards the man, grabbing the water as you did. You drank fast gulps.

"Finish your food," the man said.

"No, that's terrible," you gagged. He sat silently before getting up and walking to the door, clicking a single button on his otherwise minimalistic watch, causing the door to open. 

"What's your name?" You asked him. He was silent. The door closed and the lights went dark.

You were, again, left alone in the shell-like room with your own thoughts and fears. You looked down at your throbbing side, the new blisters coming to your attention. You gagged at the sight of them, covering your mouth. There _had to_ be something, perhaps a cloth, in the room to wrap around your wound. It was a longshot, but you decided to look. You stood and looked for something to protect yourself against infection or even more pain. As you came near the table, you spotted a dark bulge. You put your hands out, patting it cautiously before feeling cool metal. You picked it up, squinting your eyes to try to examine it. 

Suddenly, the lights turned on and you stared at a head in your hands! You threw the decapitated head, before realizing it was not indeed what you had thought. It was a mask- Ren's mask, to be exact. But what was it doing in these quarters? 

 The door opened, and you saw the man from earlier step inside. He had another tray in his hands. He looked distressed as he quickly clicked the button on his wrist watch, slamming the food on the table as the door closed. He pointed to the ground. 

"You threw my mask on the ground? _MY_ Mask?"

"... You're Ren?" You asked, a lightbulb clicking on in your brain.

"Why would you throw my mask on the ground?" He shouted as he picked it up. You were silent for a few moments.

"Why did you lie about yourself?" You asked calmly, limping over to the table where you looked over the food, picking out a fruit that you were familiar with and beginning to eat it. You sat on the chair.

"Why are you limping? Do you need medical-"

"You didn't answer my question," you stated boldly, a smug look on your face. Kylo's lip twitched, and you suddenly felt as though your oxygen supply had been cut off. You were also out of your seat and levitating. Your hands were wrapped around your neck, tugging at a nonexistent source. You felt tears forming in your eyes as your vision was becoming overthrown by black dots, until you were dropped onto the ground. You fell onto your left side, holding your knee close to your body.

"Do not challenge me, you will **always** lose," he stated. You swallowed hard, your eyes wide. You scrambled away from the pair of boots inches from your face and into the corner, holding the flesh under your blistered side. Ren looked at you uncomfortably, glancing to his side. After a few moments of silence, he clicked the button on his watch, placing his helmet back on. You squeezed your eyes shut. He left the room and the lights were off yet again.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS  
> •Choking  
> •Nonconsensual touching  
> •Very mad Kylo!!!

You remained awake for hours, boredom killing you. There was nothing you could do besides sit alone in your own thoughts, grow angry with yourself, and start from square one.

You realized how alone you were, and how you could have easily avoided this. If only you hadn't tried to be brave for General Organa. You, of course, raised your hand to be a part of the select few who would be applying for a job on starkiller base. You were the only person who got the position, and you now wished you hadn't gotten it. Even if this meant displeasing your general. You felt tears tinge your eyes as you had these thoughts. You placed your hands in your palms, your elbows digging into your thighs.

You didn't mind the pain in your side hardly as much anymore, although it still hurt like hell. You had just sort of gotten used to it. You decided you'd ask Ren if he would be willing to take you to the medical ward. You were more scared of him now that he had attacked you, but the thought of being killed out of anger was more appealing than the idea that you'd be slowly dying from a terrible infection that could have easily been prevented. Tears continued to roll down your face as you regretted practically every decision you had made within the past few months. All of the planning you and General Organa had done went straight into the trash. Were your true colleagues even truly worried about you. Surely they would have sent at least a few people to come help rescue you, right?

The lights flashed on again, but with your hands covering your eyes you could only tell a little. You slowly parted your hands from your face. Your hands were fully removed in time to see Ren standing in the doorway as it closed.

"As if anyone involved in the resistance would be brave enough to come rescue you," he shouted through his modulated mask. He stepped nearer and nearer to you, and you scrambled away from him, hopping onto your feet painfully, you backed into a corner as he got closer and you closed your eyes. Your heart throbbed and pounded so hard that you could hear it into your ears. You crossed your arms in front of you for protection.

You felt Ren's gloved hand grip your wrist and pull you. He lead you out of the room. You looked around the unfamiliar hallway, seeing the walls had been destroyed by the same force- Kylo's light saber. You swallowed hard and looked up at him. He continued walking with swagger and confidence, not bothering to look at you. He still had his large gloved hand firmly gripping your wrist. You stared at the size contrast of your hands as you continued walking.

"Where are we going?" You asked him. He remained silent. You stared at the ground as you walked. Soon enough, Ren pulled you into what seemed to be the medical ward. You had never been there in your whole few weeks of working on starkiller base, but you could just tell from the bandages and wound cleaning supplies.

"I need bandages and sterilizing alcohol," he stated through his modulated voice. You swallowed hard, uncomofortable with how bare you were in contrast to the other people. The woman working there nodded and scurried off to get the supplies. For a moment, Ren pointed his masked face down at you, but then slowly turned it forward. You swallowed hard and uncomfortably.

The woman brought everything back, and she dare not ask what had happened to your scalded side. She handed the supplies to Ren, and gave him instructions.

"I know how to apply bandages," he states coldly, interrupting her as he picked up a bag of cotton balls. He lead you back to your isolated quarters and finally released the tight grip on your wrist. You looked at your skin, red indents showing from the lining of his glove pressing so hard down onto your wrist. Ren pushed you onto the chair. He closed the door and popped off his helmet, kneeling in front of you and carelessly dabbing the stinging liquid into your wound. You thrashed away from him and he placed his free hand on your left thigh, keeping you in place.

"Still," he ordered calmly, looking up at you as a warning. You looked away from him silently, giving a deep. You winced and your breath hitched as he continued rubbing the sterilizing formula into your wound, but you only knew it would help you. Ren's hand slowly ran up and down your thigh reassuringly. You shifted anxiously, reaching to pry his gloved hand away from you. He pressed his hand down harder and made eye contact with you.

"It's so you don't move," he states coldly as he grabbed the bandages. Your face was slightly red and you shifted uncomfortably as he slowly wrapped the bandages around your body. You winced as the first layer rubbed against the wound. You squeezed Kylo's hand, and he stopped. You saw him stare at the bandages for a moment before continuing to wrap the wound. He placed medical tape over it. He then brushed the back of his gloved fingers over your small neck wound. You blinked back a few tears, and Ren began sterilizing it. He knelt closer in front of you, pushing his hand against your neck.

You looked at him in the eye, and he just pressed harder. His hand remained on your thigh, and he slid it up further. You began trying to push it away, but he wouldn't budge. You then started clawing at it, digging your nails into his gloved hand. He pressed his other hand harder against your neck, holding your hand above your head.

"Stay still," he whispered breathily into your ear.

He stood up, undoing his belt. All you could do was stare, shaking.

"I bet you've been so lonely for the past few days," he grunted, ripping his belt from his body, slipping his robes off. He threw the clothing to the corner of the room.

"Without your resistance scum... friends," he scoffed.

"Aren't you?" He asked, glancing up for a second. You swallowed hard, but nothing went down. Your mouth was too dry. He glared at you and kicked off his heavy black boots, knocking them to the side. He ran his fingers through the top of his hair, stepping towards you and pulling you up. Ren pulled his gloves off and placed his hand around your neck, pushing your back against the cold wall. You dug your nails into his hand, taking short, harsh breaths. He looked at you angrily and ripped his hand away from your throat.

Ren stared at his hand, examining it. He fiercely pointed his hand to you, and you felt your body lifting up, your back scraping against some of the peeling metal on the wall. He squeezed his hand around nothing, and you felt severe constriction around your throat.

"Look what you made me do," he said angrily. You choked and gasped, kicking your legs as you felt your mind escaping. The black dots were back, and you felt as though you could black out any minute.

"Pathetic," he said as he dropped his hand. You fell to the ground gasping for breath, falling into your side. You groamed in pain, rolling onto your other side. Ren looked at the ground, then back to you. He raised his chin and grabbed his clothing. He began putting his articles back on, and you began to sit up. Your arms were shaking as you tried to push yourself up. You fell back down,  receiving  a chuckle from Ren as he laced his boots. You wanted to lunge onto him and claw his eyes out, but you couldn't. Even if you had your usual stamina and strength, you wouldn't be able to defeat his special ability.

As Ren stood and picked up his helmet, you gathered the courage to ask him something.

"Why do you hide your face behind that mask?" You asked, sweat causing a strand of hair to stick to your forehead. He paused.

"It's traditional," he said, putting his helmet on.

"As in you just want to copy every little fucking thing your grandfather did," you spat. He stood calmly and pressed the button on his wrist watch, walking to the door.

"Starting tomorrow, you will reside in my quarters," he stated before leaving.

"You will not be receiving dinner tonight," he added after a moment. He left the room yet again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING
> 
> \---
> 
> •Rape/ Non-Con  
> •Degrading Dirty talk  
> •Loss of virginity (Reader)  
> •Depressive feelings towards the end of the chapter.  
> •Clothed male, naked female (kind of?)

You were awoken by the jingling of metal. You slowly opened your eyes seeing Ren sitting on the chair beside the table. He was hunched forward, his elbows on his knees as he jingled a long chain across the ground. You stared at him, confused.

"Come here," he said. You looked at the open door and then back at Ren. You stood and walked to Ren, dizziness overwhelming you. You blinked hard, stumbling on your bare feet. You steadied yourself as you reached Ren.

"Kneel," he said again, and you did so. You stared at him in his deep brown eyes before looking back towards the door. He grabbed you by the jaw, turning you to face him.

"Don't even think about it," he said calmly but strictly, giving your face a gentle squeeze. He pulled on the chain and picked up a medium sized ring made of fabric and metal. He placed it around your neck, clicking the lock. You looked at the floor, filled with hatred for this man in every inch of your body. You felt your chest heaving and your arms practically shaking with how mad you were. Ren just gave a quiet chuckle and tugged on the chain- or should I say leash?

He Stepped outside of the room and pulling you alongside him. He lead you down a hallway to a door which lead to a rural room, another hallway, and then what seemed to be Ren's quarters. Ren tugged on the chain, pulling you into the room. The moment the door was closed and his back was turned, you tackled him to the ground. He squirmed on the groun, flipping onto his back. You pounded on his chest hard, shouting at him angrily. He easily grabbed your wrists, flipping you onto your back.

"You do not do that," he stated. You were sobbing by now, pulling on your arms which were stretched above your head.

"Let me go! You vile creep! You're not even a real person," you cried out, thrashing under the large man's body. His jaw clenched. He stood off of you.

"Creep, huh?" He asked, removing his outer robe and hanging it up on the wall. You swallowed nothing, scrambling back.

"I'm a creep for being the only person who truly understands how things should be, right?"

You shook your head.

"You know what's right, Ben," you choked out. You saw pain flash in his eyes for a split second, then pure anger.

"That is not my name," he said.

"Whatever Organa said to you is over with. Your resistance friends will never overthrow me," he said, hitting his chest angrily.

"I'm doing the galaxy a favor," he added with a sharp inhale. Ren licked his lips and glanced at the ground.

"Go bathe," he added in an annoyed tone.

"The refresher is just over there."

He unclipped the leash from your new collar, and you stood. Ren left the room, grabbing his helmet and putting it on. You trudged over to the restroom, turning on the faucet to the shower. Cold water poured out and slowly began turning warmer and warmer. You stripped out of your "clothes" and stepped under the now lukewarm water. You shivered uncomfortably, grabbing the soapy solution that resided just near the faucet. You squeezed some into your hands and ran it through your hair, scrubbing your scalp. It felt wonderful, as you hadn't had the opportunity to clean yourself in what felt like ages. You rubbed the soap on your body, your skin already feeling so much better.

You blinked tiredly, standing under the water for another minute or so, stepping out. You looked around the refresher for a towel with no prevail. You let out a sigh and peeked your head out of the room. You anxiously ran over to the wall where Ren hung his robe, snatching it. You wrapped yourself up in the surprisingly warm and comfortable fabric, letting out a sigh of relief. You looked at Ren's bed, then the floor. You felt disgusted at the fact that the man who has practically kidnapped you will be sharing the same living space as you. You decided against sleeping in his bed.

You laid on the floor, curling up slightly. You rested your head and then you were out like a light.

 

\---

You were awoken by the loud sound of boots hitting the metal floor. You jumped up quickly, staring around the room. You licked your lips anxiously before you gave in. You remained frozen as Ren walked in, his helmet and visor off and under his arm. You saw his lip twitch slightly, and he tilted his head up. You stared at him, your hair messy. 

He just stared at you, shaking his head.

"And I suppose you were sleeping in my bed too?"

You simply shook your head, pointing to the portion of the floor where you rested.  Ren nodded and sighed.

"Open the robe," he stated. You raised an eyebrow at him and looked down self consciously, pulling the robes closer together.

"Open it," he hissed, stepping forward. You stepped back, the back of your legs hitting the bed. You sat down and uncomfortably parted your robe. Ren stared at you and stepped forward, pushing you to sit on the edge of his bed. You looked at the ground, your face growing hot. He lifted your face up, unbuckling his belt.

"Just let it happen," he said in a hushed voice. You shut your eyes, climbing onto the bed and shifting back away from him.  You felt tears collecting under your closed eyelids. You remained in Ren's robes, so you curled up around yourself. Ren's body was above yours, and his hard cock was clearly visible through his briefs. 

"I said to just let it happen."

He broke you out of your ball and held your arms above your head with one hand. You thrashed and tried to dig your nails into his hand with no success. His gloves were too thick. You sobbed into his other hand that was placed over your mouth, and you kicked. 

"Shh," he cooed softly. You took a sharp inhale, trying your hardest to contain your cries. You opened your eyes to see Ren adjusting himself above you. He removed his hand, but you felt an invisible rope tighetening around your wrists. You tugged on your arms, squeezing your eyes shut again. You heard him toss his gloves onto the ground, and he moved his hand to your cunt. You jumped at the feeling of somebody else's fingers on your lower half. You swallowed hard and let out a sigh into his hand. 

Ren dragged his finger down your slit gently, causing you to move your hips to the side. You opened your eyes, seeing him looking directly into your eyes. You couldn't look away. You stared right back into those deep brown eyes, not finding emotion anywhere. You felt tears come back and sting your eyeballs, causing you to blink. Ren readjusted himself and pushed his tip into your cunt. You inhaled sharply, your chest rising and falling  unstably. He pulled his cock out, slamming himself back in. You whined and screamed into his hand, thrashing your hips. He pulled out again, plunging his cock back in, hitting a spot that caused your body to defy your mind- it felt good in contrast to the immense pain from Ren practically ripping your hole.

"Is it your first time?" He asked with a grunt. You didn't answer, and he let out an agitated huff. Ren put a hand on your throat, pressing down.

"I bet you fucking love this, don't you?" 

You didn't respond to him as he thrusted his cock deep inside of you. The pain slowly began to grow into even stronger pleasure. As Ren kept hitting your deepest parts, you tried desperately to hold back your erotic gasps and moans, but some slipped past. Ren let out a short, breathy laugh at some of the moans.

"Little whore, you _do_ love this," he said into your ear. You cursed your body as you were being used as though you were a doll. 

"This is all you're good for... You can't even fight back," he added. You felt a strong sensation in the pit of your stomach. It was overwhelming, but pleasurable. You felt as though it would make you pass out. You cried into Ren's hand, arching your back involuntarily. 

He breathed faster and harder, and he removed his hand from your face. He pulled his cock out of your throbbing cunt, dragging his middle finger up and into your slit, collecting the juices. He brought it up to your mouth. You leaned your head back and away from it. Ren forced his finger into your mouth.

"Suck," he commanded. You complied after a moment, licking the tangy but sweet juices from Ren's finger. He brought his hand back down, slowly rubbing circles around your clitoris. You moved your hips upwards and into his hand, and he smirked.

"Filthy whore," he grunted, rubbing faster circles around your clit. Ren got into his knees and picked you up, flipping you over onto your knees. He buried your face into his pillow, bringing his cock up to your pussy. He thrusted in, grabbing your hips roughly. Your hands remained tied together. You felt humiliated and exhausted. You'd rather be dead than here, being used as an object- like a play thing. You felt yourself nearing the edge, the knot untying in your stomach. You let out a breathy whimper, and your legs could no longer support you. You collapsed onto the bed, and ren flipped you back over once more. He pushed his cock into you, cursing as he thrusters harder and faster than before. You felt yourself nearly losing consciousness as your whole body trembled. You succumbed to the pleasure, the ecstasy riding out. 

Ren pulled his cock out of your pussy, coming all over your abdomen and his robes. He grunted and stood after a moment. Your leg twitched, and all you wanted to do was curl up and sleep.

"Useless thing," he said as he tucked his cock back into his briefs. He pulled his pants back on.

"Ruining my clothing like that..." 

You felt your cheeks heat up with both embarrassment and anger, but you were too exhausted to say anything. You wanted to kill him, but you had already been humiliated enough today. You curled up, placing your face in your palms.

"Just learn to enjoy yourself," Ren said as he climbed into the bed beside you.

"It'll be so much better for you... Maybe not for me. I like the fighters, and how easily destroyed they are," he said. You felt disgusted with yourself and him. You were starving, but you didn't have the drive to eat anything now.

 You just wanted to die.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Rude Hux  
> -Threats of rape (from Hux)  
> -Degrading speech  
> -Nudity   
> -Forced blowjob   
> -Bondage
> 
> Also, sorry for the short chapter!!

* * *

After getting some much needed sleep, you were awoken by the sound of angry shouting. You weakly lifted your head off of the pillow. You tried to listen in, sitting up fully in the bed. You cringed at the sticky feeling between your legs, but the robe was your only form of coverage. Suddenly, the door opened.

You saw Ren standing beside a less tall, ginger man holding a tray of food and a bag.

"(Y/N)," Ren barked. You jumped slightly.

"You know Hux," he added, pushing his hair behind his shoulder. Of course! How could you have forgotten? Ren glared at Hux.

"You will be under his supervision for a short period of time, as I will be very busy." You felt the color drain from your face. You wanted to ball. If Ren, a generally quiet man, could shout at you so often, how might somebody as loud and as verbally aggressive as General Hux treat someone in your situation. There was uncomfortable silence as Ren glared at the both of you. 

"You are to do everything he says. No buts," Ren stated to you, pointing his gloved index finger at you.

"Make sure she eats," he scolded to Hux, putting the helmet over his head, stepping out of the room. 

You stared at Hux with anxiety as he drew nearer, setting the tray and bag down on the bedside table. He then turned to you, reaching his hand out. He picked up the fabric of the black robe you had on. You looked away from him. He dropped it back down and cocked his head to the side.

"This is Ren's robe," he tsked.

"Take it off," he stated. You flinched at his bluntness.

"Ren is letting me wear it," you stated, glaring at him.

"I said take it off," he shouted. 

You uneasily sifted off the black robe.

"Toss it on the floor," he added. You paused for a moment before reluctantly signing and pushing the robe on the floor. Hux chuckled coldly.

"Hm... Good girl. Ren said you were very disobedient... He was clearly wrong," Hux stated calmly. You let out a disgusted sigh. Hux eyed you up and down.

"You need to bathe," he stated after a moment, nodding at the fact you were covered in yourself and Ren's cum. Your face grew slightly red. You stood naked, your legs wobbling. You fell back on the bed. Your thigh muscles hurt as well as your arms, so you couldn't even push yourself off of the bed. Hux stepped up to you, pulling you to stand. He lead you to the refresher, pushing you into the tub. You fell, and he turned the water on. You laid, shivering, as the water slowly covered you.

"When was the last time you were washed?" He asked.

"Not too long ago," you said. You hated not being able to tell when was when, it made you feel like an imbecile. You stared at the tap as Hux watched you.

"You don't need to watch me. I'm not a child," you said angrily. Hux shook his head and smiled. 

"You seem incompetent. The face that can't walk on your own, and that you lie around covered in cum," he stated. You gritted your teeth.

"Blame Ren," you munbaked under your breath. Hux glared at you  and shook his head. After a moment of silence, Hux opened his mouth to speak again, reaching his hand to your throat.

"Lovely collar," he said in a mocking tone. You slapped his hand, grabbing a bottle of liquid soap and spraying it on him.

"Don't touch me," you cried out, your eyes wide. Your chest was heaving. Hux scooped the soap up in his hand, flicking it in the tub with a scoff. He stared at you, slapping you dead in the face. He grabbed your jaw with a tight squeeze.

"Never disrespect me like that again, resistance scum. Ren told me that I may do whatever I please, and I will," he stated angrily, staring at in your eyes with his icy blue orbs. You felt your heart drop. You looked away from his eyes as you remembered how Ren had done the same thing just hours before. You turned off the water and hugged your knees, resting your chin atop them. You closed your eyes and began washing your hair. 

After your bath, Hux lead you out of the room and handed you the bag, which contained a set of matching undergarments and a long, gray shirt. You pulled the clothing on. You found yourself, for whatever reason, missing Ren. Even after all he had done to you, you still managed to wish he was the one in the room with you, and not this dictator. You held your knees in a hug, looking at the ground.

"Eat your food," Hux stated, holding his soapy shirt in his hand. You shook your head.

"I'm not hungry," you said, looking up at him.

"You heard what Ren said. Now eat," Hux said. You sighed and picked up the tray, grabbing a piece of fruit. You took a bite of it, it's sweetness and freshness surprising you. You ate it fast, setting it's core on the tray. Hux sat and stared at you, watching you eat. You pushed the tray aside, and Hux tsked.

"Eat all of it," he stated.

"No. I'm not hungry," you said, brushing your damp hair behind your ear. Hux sighed and shook his head.

"Ren was right, you are disobedient, huh?"

You were silent. You couldn't tell if that should bother you or not. What was wrong with you? You should be proud of not cracking under their force. So why did it hurt to hear that. Hux was examining his fingernails when you looked up at him. He looked back at you with a smug smile.

"Of course, maybe you're just moody. Loosen up," he said in his mocking tone. You rolled your eyes at him. You felt anger growing inside of you.

"Come on, I know you can be a good girl."

"Shut the fuck up," you stated, the anger growing inside of you. Hux cocked an eyebrow, standing.

"Care to repeat that?"

He walked closer and closer to you. You grabbed the carton of juice and opened it. You stared at him, holding the juice close to you. He stepped closer, and you threw the open juice at him, covering him in it. You scooted back from him as he shouted.

"That's it."

Hux ripped his belt off, standing atop the bed. You cried out, trying to push him off. He got onto his knees and grabbed you, flipping you into your stomach. He tied your wrists and ankles together with his belt as you kicked for freedom. Hux hopped off of the bed, pulling you onto the ground. He pushed you so that you were on your knees. You tugged your hands, shouting. 

Hux crouched and put his hand over your mouth.

"Be quiet," he hissed at you, staring at to you with his icy blue eyes. You felt tears sting your eyes as you nodded. You looked at the ground as he stood back up, unzipping his black pants. He pulled his now hard cock out.

"Open your mouth."

You parted your lips reluctantly.

"More than that," he said with a laugh.

You closed your eyes and fully opened your mouth, Hux stepping forward. He put his hands on the back of your head, pushing his cock in your mouth. You struggled to breathe, starting to panic. You didn't dare bite down as he began to thrust his hard cock in and out. You felt even more tears spill out of your eyes and down your cheeks. You looked up to see Hux, his head tilted back and his eyes shut. His cheeks were tinged red. He gave a quick tug to your hair.

"Don't make me do all the work," he grunted, thrusting his cock in and out of your mouth. You ran your tongue up the shaft of his cock, hollowing your cheeks around it. Hux released your hair, pushing your head down on his cock. Your face was covered in your own tears.

"Such a good girl. Ren _was_ wrong," he stated breathily. You, for whatever reason, felt flattered. Your cheeks grew a rosy shade, bobbing your head up and down. Hux grabbed the back of your head, holding it down. His tip was at the back of your throat. You felt his cock twitch, and a now familiar warm, sticky liquid flowed into your throat and mouth.

"Swallow," HUx stated, pulling his cock out of your mouth, his cum dripping into your hair and your shirt. You swallowed the liquid. He looked at you and tapped his chin. He walked to Ren's wardrobe, grabbing one of his belts. He came back to you, picking you up and setting you onto the bed, face down. Hux pulled off your undergarments and you began to thrash. He rested a hand on the side of your ass, holding you still.

"Relax, _I'm_ not going to do anything to you."

You relaxed slightly. He removed his hand

"But I can't say the same for Ren. He'll be back in a few hours. Don't move too much, now," Hux said, zipping up his pants and putting on his shirt, leaving the room.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHAMELESS SMUT LOL
> 
> Oral sex on reader  
> Stockholm syndrome

 You didn't remember falling asleep, but you found yourself waking up hours later. You heard the swift sound of a familiar fiend's helmet being removed and you cringed tiredly. You heard his boots hitting the floor for a few moments, before they came to a halt. You braced yourself as you heard a sigh escape his lips.

"Oh Hux- Did he touch you?"

You didn't know how to respond. Did the General  _touch_ you? Ren stepped nearer and undid the binds, pulling your undergarments up your legs. You swiftly turned into your back.

"I can do that myself."

Ren nodded and went down a short hallway, turning into another room. You squinted at him. 

Did he not like you anymore? For whatever reason, you felt offended and hurt- why? You didn't even like him! You could hardly tolerate this creature. But you felt thrown away by him. You looked at the ground for a moment, placing your foot on it. It twitched at the coldness of it, and you anxiously walked towards the room. Your inner thighs hurt like hell, but you didn't let that stop you. You contemplated stepping in for longer than you'd like to admit. 

' _You'd just be embarrassing yourself_ ,'half of you thought. The other half thought he might have been expecting you.

"Yes?" Ren's voice called. You froze, turning to leave.

"Come in," he called. His voice rang in and out of your ears like a deafening but hypnotic bell. You stepped into the room with no resilience. Your face showed how truly upset you were.

Ren glanced up at you, cocking his eyebrow. He was seated at a desk, stacks of paper and a data pad laid out in front of him. 

"What's wrong?"

You swallowed nothing and tried to change the subject.

"Why do you never address me by my proper name?" You asked him.

"Because you were given that name by resistance scum."

"Actually," you barked, stepping closer to him with growing fury and attitude.

"I had real parents. Just like you. And they gave me a real name. Once again- Just. Like. You."

Ren stood angrily and pushed everything off of his desk. He stomped towards you, towering over you in his all black uniform. You took a long blink, a strong huff of breath escaping you. You opened your eyes and he was still standing, trying to intimidate you. You glared at him, and he relaxed his stance, an open mouth smile showing. His tongue lay twisted between his teeth.

"You," he started, beginning to circle you like a shark.

"Are just a little attention whore, huh?" 

"You're so high maintenance. Always needing me around." 

Ren stopped behind you.

"To do whatever the fuck I want to you," he swore into your ear. You felt your face heating up angrily.

"I do not- I'd rather you leave me alone!" You shouted, turning to face him. Ren shook his head.

"You're an awful liar," he said. 

"How about I give you that attention that you so desperately need?"

You didn't argue, what was the point of it?

"Come here," he stated as he walked back to his now clear desk, sitting on it. He rested a hand in his lap, raiding his free one to make the 'come hither' motion. You stepped towards him, and he  (surprisingly) gently grabbed you, picking you up and resting you on one of his legs. 

"Take off my gloves with your mouth that you just love to talk back with," Ren whispered harshly into your ear, holding his hand up to your mouth. You bit the extra fabric around his finger, pulling on it with your teeth. It slid off, and he hastily pulled off your panties with his now bare hands.

"Mhm, good girl. Now the other hand," he stated, bringing his other hand up to your mouth. You did the same, shimmying Ren's glove off of his hand, revealing his pale, well groomed hands.

He hoisted you up to his chest, one arm locking tight around your waist, the other  tracing around your pantyline. He slowly and torturously led his finger to your slit, which was by now already wet. He ran his finger up your opening, giving a short and quiet chuckle. He pushed his finger harder into your flesh, but not quite to your hole. He dragged his finger up and down your slit, collecting the juices.

Ren moved his focus to your clit, running his finger over the area, making your legs twitch and quake with each touch. You squirmed ever so slightly as he rubbed fast circles over your clit. Ren pulled you closer to his chest, his finger moving back down to your hole. He teased the entrance, only placing his fingertip in, creating a sort of hook, and tugging gently. You let out a whimperish moan. He pushed one finger in, pulling it out, then slowly pushing it back in. He added a finger to his routine. He pushed his two wide fingers into your sex, then pulling them back out again.

"Want me to go faster?"  

You nodded.

"Use your words."

You groaned in resistance, trying to push yourself onto his fingers. He pulled them away. You closed your eyes and sighed.

"Please do... it... faster."

"Do what faster?"

"Fuck me with your fingers," you stated quietly. 

"Very well," Ren stated.

He pushed a new 3 wide fingers into your  sex, plunging them in and out faster than before. You panted and you felt your knees growing weak, despite the fact you were using them for nothing at all. Ren then picked you up, setting you atop the desk. He crouched down, pushing your legs open. You winced at the pain, and Ren looked up at you. You avoided looking back at him, and he rubbed a circle around your clit. You let out a shaky breath. 

Ren then attacked your cunt with his tongue. The muscle ran up and down your pleading sex, knees quaking and all. He was right, you were a little attention whore for him. He sucked on your clit, his tongue flicking it as he did so. You grabbed fist fulls  of his hair as he placed his hands on your inner thighs, keeping them spread apart. 

"Fuck," he grunted into your cunt, the vibrations of his voice taunting your body. You felt yourself growing overwhelmed with the swirling of his tongue. You were going to come, and you couldn't help it. Ren continued to lap at your clit as you came, your juices spilling out of your pink cunt and onto Ren's desk. You let the feeling of absolute ecstasy take over. He lapped up the juices from your pussy, setting you on the chair.

"Clean this up," he stated. You looked back at him, and he nodded towards the cum on his table. After a pause, you leaned forward, licking up the puddle of your juices, swallowing them. Ren picked you up and carried you back to his resting quarters, laying you in his bed.

"What a good whore," he stated, climbing into the bed after you.

"You've become so much more obedient- I'm proud. Rest those legs," he stayed, grabbing your thigh and giving it a gentle squeeze. You gave him a timid smile, too exhausted to even comprehend what he was saying. He brushed your hair out of your face and laying next to you, his hand still on your leg. You turned onto your side and clung to his arm.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> •Ren cares for reader because she is on her period!! :))

You sat in the main room of Ren's quarters, a warm thermos of herbal tea in your hands. You stared at the steam rising and swirling from it. Ren had brought you food today, and you realized that the food he brought you now has been much more nutritious and tastier than what he had brought you mere weeks ago. As you continued to bloom for and submit to him, he'd shower you with all that you needed. But you feared for this week to come, and you knew you wouldn't be able to give Ren what he wanted.

 It was the week of your menstruation, and you had been stressing out about it for a couple of days. You knew it was coming, not because of the date. Hell, you didn't even know what the day was anymore! But you knew because of how emotional and reactive you were becoming. And now you knew because you woke up with severe stomach pains. You ate all of your meal which included a warm stew, a sweet root, and a sort of roll. All of the warm foods plus your tea had helped your tummy stop aching at least a little bit. 

As you began to curl up, placing the hot tea to your abdomen, Ren strode into the room. You lifted your head off of the pillow and gave him a half smile. You ran your fingers through your hair, pushing it completely out of your face. Ren was still wearing his casual clothing; a fitted black turtleneck shirt and his long black pants held up with a belt. He gave a gentle nod to you, his hair damp from the shower. He stepped over to you, sitting on the edge of his bed. He rested his large palm on your thigh and gently massaged. 

"Did you enjoy your meal?" He questioned, looking you in the eye. You nodded and placed a hand atop his, subtly trying to get him to stop. He glanced at you and raised an eyebrow. You looked the other direction and let out a groan of pain, rolling onto your stomach.

"Don't be defiant," Ren stated, pulling you to sit up. You rolled your eyes slightly and sighed, looking at him with glossy eyes. You didn't want to have to deal with explaining to Ren that you were currently mensturating.

"What's the matter?" He asked, putting his hands on your shoulders. You shook your head, trying to assure him you were fine.

"I'm warning you, little-"

"It's that time of the month," you cut in, taking in a deep sigh. You looked at him, and he stared, confused for a moment. 

"I'm... Bleeding," you said awkwardly, and his face grew slightly red. He parted his lips to speak, but just froze. Ren then just pulled you into an embrace, a sigh escaping his lips. You felt slightly uncomfortable, but shook it off. 

"I suppose that's a reasonable reason to... oppose. Well, get plenty of rest," he stated. You wanted to burst out laughing. It was sweet of him to act so caring, but you weren't sick or anything, you were just on your period. It would be over soon enough.

You laid back down and ren ran his fingers through your hair, still sitting on the edge of the bed. You took deep, long breaths as he soothed you. 

"I'll be back very soon, I just need to go speak with Hux, I promise," Ren stated. You grabbed his wrist with both of his arms and he let out a wispy laugh.

"Sweet, but I have to go," he stated, peeling your fingers away from him. You turned your head to look at him with pleading eyes, and he looked at you with conflict. He sighed and ran his long fingers through his hair. 

"Fine. I'll just send him a message on my data pad," Ren stated, heading to his work room. He came back with his data tablet, focused on messaging Hux. Moments later, a sound rang from it. 

"I told him I wasn't feeling well. He's going to send me a transcript of everything we were planning on finishing today, so I'll just rest with you," Ren said to you, sitting on the bed beside you, resting his hand on your abdomen, rubbing in small, slow circles. You let out a content sigh, blinking as ren lay beside you. Despite everything, you really did care for Ren.

You smiled and cozily nestled up to him, the warm thermos still by your side.

"Thank you, Ren," you stated sincerely as you placed your hand atop his. He only nodded, bringing his hand to your hair once again, stroking it and scratching your head in a rewarding way.

"If there is anything you need, be sure to let me know. If you're hungry, thirsty, or the pain gets too immense, I'll send for somebody to bring medicine," he stated in a monotone voice, too focused on his work to make himself sound like he cared.

You nodded against him, and you began to think- Ren was really not the bad guy. He has just become so heavily corrupted by everything that has been shoved down his throat. He thinks he is predestined to rule the galaxy, that it is in his blood and he cannot change that about himself. But the thing is, his grandfather was a young man at one point, too, and he was corrupted by the feeling of absolute power. This hurt you, hence Ren has the opportunity to do such great things for the world, but he's falling down a shattered trait in which is perfectly aligned for his type. You closed your eyes, the emotions hitting you harder than usual. You wanted so badly to just hold him to you and tell him that things would be perfectly fine, and that he can change. That feeling will never go away, as long as Ren as in his current state.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> •Period Sex (Blood will be mentioned TWO times only so it can be enjoyable for as many people as possible!)  
> •1st time is during intercourse   
> •Second is afterwards- the mess

A few hours had passed, and you found yourself awake and wrapped in Ren’s lanky yet built arms. You shuffled to sit up, wanting to take a shower badly. You peeled Ren’s sleeping body off of you, stepping out of the bed and getting into the refresher. You shut the door quietly and stripped of your clothing, stepping into the shower, turning the stream to a perfectly warm temperature.

 You let out a sigh of contentedness, feeling the warm water swallow you whole. You grabbed a sanitizer and began to wash your body, the refreshing bubbles calming you down. You then washed your hair, scrubbing your scalp gently. You felt yourself smile a little at the comfort in which you had in the refresher. Showering washed away dirt and grime as well as a bad mood. 

 After you finished rinsing yourself off, you turned the squeaky faucet off and stepped out of the shower and onto the cold tile floor. You shivered and quickly walked over to the towel holder, grabbing a fluffy, clean, white towel. You wrapped it around yourself and gathered your dirty clothing, placing it in a basket. You stepped outside of the refresher, heading to grab one of Ren’s robes- surely he wouldn’t mind _now._ But as you stepped into the main room, you noticed Ren’s silhouette standing beside his bed. You looked at him and gave a gentle wave.

 You couldn’t see much, but from the shadows casting from the tall man’s body, you could tell he was standing very boldly. He stepped near you and pulled you to him by the waist. Ren brought his hands up to the hem of your towel, thumbing the sides away from your breasts. He pulled it open, placing it on the bed. Your teeth chattered and you took a step back.

”Master Ren, I’m still-“

”That’s what the towel is for,” he said in a deep, groggy voice. You saw stars and ran your tongue over your bottom lip. Ren picked you up, placing you on the towel and stood over you. He unbuckled his belt, tossing it on the ground, pulling his trousers past his feet. He kicked them aside. You didn’t notice before, but Ren had not been wearing a shirt. Not even his robe, and his chest looked dewy and strong. You could caress and worship it for hours if you had the time.

Ren placed one knee between your legs and climbed atop you, his hands on either side of your head. You stared him in his gorgeously dark eyes, placing your hands onto his muscular chest, staring at him sweetly. Ren grunted and pushed your hands aside, pinning them above your head, attacking your neck with soft nibbles and suckles, causing you to move your hips in a slow motion up against Ren’s leg. You felt his hot breath against your neck, and he released your hands. 

He pulled the only fabric separating the two of you away from his body, standing up. He placed both of his hands on both sides of your hips, gripping them firmly. He pulled your legs apart and adjusted himself to your entrance. He then slid himself in. You couldn’t tell if it was your blood or straight up arousal that had made you so slick. You shifted your hips slightly as he pulled out slowly, painfully slow. He pushed himself back into you, trying to find a perfect pace.

You let out a small, whimperish moan, holding your hands above your head and tilting your chin up and back. Ren grunted quietly, placing a hand around your throat. He didn’t quite choke you, but he held it firmly in place.

“You’re... All fucking _mine,_ ” he stated with a grunt as he began to fuck you faster. You felt your face and neck heat up, your eyelids fluttering open and closed. Ren picked you up, placing you further up on the bed. He climbed back over you and moved one hand back to your throat, and his free hand to clutch a fist full of your hair. He pushed his cock back inside of you, and you felt yourself begin to crave release. You breathed hard, moving your hands up to his hair. You grabbed small fist fulls of it, and gave gentle tugs as you let out breathy moans.

Ren lowered his head to you, and you stared him in the eye. You felt a desire to kiss him deeply on his full lips, to show him love. Ren looked away from your face. Your breath hitched as you felt yourself grow closer to climaxing.

“Little whore, you’re so easy to make cum,” he grunted into your ear, pulling your hair back. You moved your head in the same direction, a gasp escaping your mouth.

”So obedient,” he stated as he sped up his thrusts, moving the hand around your throat to your chest. He ran his thumb over your nipple, pinching it gently. You took in a deep, uneven breath as your eyes fought to stay open. Not because you were falling asleep, but because he was absolutely fucking your brains out. By now, he was shaking the entire bed.

“Come,” he commanded, releasing your hair. He stroked it gently and brushed it out of your face as he continued to fuck you mercilessly. As he said, you felt the knot unwind in your core, a euphoric sensation waching you away. You felt Ren’s cock twitch inside of you, and you fell limp. He pulled out of you with deep breaths, pulling on his undergarments. You could only lay there on the now red-blotched towel, panting. 

You stared at Ren as he walked to his wardrobe, pulling his black robe out along with a fresh pair of undergarments. He handed it to you, and even helped you pull it on. He pulled the towel out from under you, and you noted how mere minutes ago, you admired the softness and purity of it, and how freshly dirtied it had become; it would probably never be used properly again. You let out a content sigh, wrapping yourself in Ren’s robe.

 Ren climbed into the bed beside you, pulling you to him.

”I’m sorry,” he stated, which shocked you. It sounded so sincere and unlike him. You squinted and shrugged, intertwining your fingers with his, assuring him that he was fine. He buried his nose in your damp, fresh hair and breathed softly. The two of you fell asleep like this. You feared you were beginning to fall in love with this man, who up until very recently you felt was incapable of portraying human emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I’d really appreciate if you guys could possibly leave any of your kinks, fetishes, or even how characters act (ex. Possessive ren, stuck-up Hux) down below so I know what a majority of you guys like! That would be great!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> •Crying   
> •kind of self harm (Burning self with the shower water)  
> •Vaginal sex  
> •Both gentle AND rough kylo

You awoke the next morning to Ren’s arm gently around you, his fingers tracing your robed side. He lay awake on his data pad, your head on his shoulder and chest. You rolled your body over to face him, placing a hand on his chest.

“Rest well, kitten?” He asked you. You simply nodded, not acknowledging the gentle nickname. You sighed and shifted your legs, the stickiness still remnant from your previous activities. Ren was too busy typing with his large, graceful hands to take notice. He simply continued painting invisible circles on your back with his index finger. You examined his face, his beauty marks and bold nose making you want to reach out and just cup his closely shaven face in your hand. 

“Ren?” You said in a soft voice after a moment. He nodded and glanced to you.

“Why don’t you ever just take a break from everything?” 

He let out a quiet ‘hm’, and ran his hand up to your face, gently stroking your cheek. You practically melted.

”There’s work to be done,” he stated timidly. He focused his eyes back towards his data pad. You sighed and twisted your tongue between your teeth. 

“It’s just- you work _so_ hard, Master Ren,” you said in an 'innocent' voice, trails of mischief knitted into the tones. Ren cocked an eyebrow without looking at you.

”Do I now?” He asked, not pausing. You nodded, sitting upright and onto your knees. He glanced at you, and then back to his data pad. You pulled it away from him, swinging your leg over his waist and sitting on it. You looked at him with lust, and he stared right back with a somewhat shocked expression. You felt bold and brave. 

You stared at the data pad, typing out to Armitage Hux, "Would you hold on a moment? I’m occupied with something right now." _Sent!_

Ren reached for the tablet hesitantly before you tossed it beside the two of your bodies. Ren let out an angered grunt, moving his hands to your waist, holding you to his hips as he sat upright.

"What has gotten into you?" He questioned in a hitched voice, licking his lips. You stared at them- them being his lips- in wonder. They looked so soft and so warm... So liberating! 

You placed your arms around his neck and pulled yourself closer to him, pressing your lips against his. His hands let go of your hips for a moment, before he clasped them tightly again. He pulled you off of him.

”What the Hell?" Ren barked loudly. You stared at him in his glossy eyes, taking in a deep breath. You felt your chest rise and fall, and you began sobbing. You clutched an invisible shirt on his chest, scratching his pale skin. He ripped your hands away from him.

"Tooke,” he spoke. You ignored him and slumped down, crying into his chest.

"Tooke!" He shouted. Your body convulsed and you dug your nails into his arm. He winced but sat you up right in his lap.

"It’s okay, I forgive you," he assured.

That’s not what was bothering you, but rather it was the fact that you were committing the absolute most immense betrayal; you were in love with Kylo Ren. The largest enemy of the resistance, and YOU were enjoying his company. And after all he had done to you. He had stabbed you, raped you, stripped you of your former self, and destroyed every spunky and unique feature from you. Your chest heaved as the worst part crossed your mind. 

He didn’t even love you back. You pushed yourself out of his arms and crossed yours over your busy, anxiously stepping around the room. You were majorly disheveled, your heart dropping to your feet with every passing moment of looking at Ren’s face. You turned and walked into the refresher as Ren laid on his messy sheets, staring at you in confusion. 

 You stripped of Ren’s robes, planting your foot into the shower, turning it on. You set the water’s temperature high, not caring about the stinging whatsoever. Your skin grew red quickly, but you didn’t tamper. You washed yourself with the non-scented soap, trying to get Ren’s trace off and out of you. You cried again, the hot tears mixing with the water. You scrubbed your hair and body roughly as you cried, your soapy hands moving swiftly.

 You wiped your face with your forearm, sitting on the shower floor. Despite the hot water, the floor felt cold and hard. You shivered and shifted under the rain, placing your hand in your palms. You heard the door of the shower crack open, and ren stood just outside of it in just his tight boxers. You stared at him in the face, and he looked at you with a worried expression. He adjusted the temperature to be a bit less extreme, and stared down at you.

”I care for you,” he stated, speaking loudly to dominate the sound of the water.

”I really do,” he stated, lending a hand out to you. You stared at the large hand for a moment before grabbing it and pulling yourself up. Ren turned off the shower for you and pulled the robe you had previously been wearing over your body.

”And I know you care for me. I’m not sure why, but you’re forgetting I know what’s in your thoughts,” he stated in a mild tone. Your face heated up and he gave a small but cocky smile, intertwining his fingers with yours and pulling you into the main room.

”I’m sure you’re going to be the one who uses up all of my ship’s water supply,” he stated, climbing onto the bed. You slipped onto it after him.

"Yeah.  _Your_ ship,” you joked. Ren groaned and scoffed.

"Hux likes to pretend it’s his, but we all know who’s the one in charge here. You should know,” he stated giving you a nudge to the side with his elbow. You gave a gentle smile and shook your head at the dark joke. You sighed at him.

"How did you even manage to move over to the...”

”The dark side?” He questioned.

You nodded. Ren pulled you to him and took in a deep inhale.

"Imagine it- Your grandfather is one of the most powerful men in the entire galaxy; he was a Jedi.”

You nodded smartly.

”He had these strong plans to take the said galaxy under his wing and be in total control. Everyone would have to do is he said. Now, imagine growing up hearing about how terrible of a person this said man was and how easy it was to slip down the dangerous path of the dark side. And then, to top it all off, you learn you have the same powers as him, and you’re sent away from your parents and made to train with your uncle who you despise,” Ren spat, shaking his head. 

“Being isolated with somebody forcing you to train for something that would inevitably lead you down the path in which is so heavily frowned upon by a nation of planets, and feeling as though you were predestined to carry out your grandfather’s plans,” he spoke loudly, almost yelling. You looked at him and noticed his cheeks were flushed and a tear threatened to fall from his face.

”You weren’t predestined for anything,” you said in a soft voice, thumbing the salty drop away from his face. He took a sharp inhale, hugging you to him.

"But I was. I have the same curse as my grandfather, and it is mixed with my ambition and desire to lead," he choked. You shook your head.

”You chose this,” you said in a quiet voice.

”As much as you chose to be here with me!” 

You sucked on your top lip briefly and let out a sigh.

”You have the opportunity to change. Your mother wants you home. She wants you to be with her again. And your uncle- Nobody likes their teachers,” you said with a small laugh at the end, a sincere smile on your face. Ren looked around the room then back to you. He held your face in both of his hands and proceeded to kiss you hard on the lips. You felt a weight lift off of your shoulders.

Ren pulled you atop of him, thus breaking the kiss, pulling his jet black robes from your body, watching it fall in a flattering manner. He looked at you and nodded his head to the side. 

“Turn around,” he stated, pulling his boxers off of his body. You pulled them from his legs as you moved your body to have your back facing him. 

“Ride me,” he ordered with a grunt, his large hands firmly grabbing your waist. You slowly and barely rose to your feet, placing yourself onto Ren’s cock that you didn’t notice had grown so large and hard. Your legs shook and you sat on your knees, his cock fully inside of you. You let out a quiet, breathy moan. You began bouncing on his cock, your juices coating his cock as one of his hands slipped to your front, his long and wide fingers dragging down your naval and just above your cunt.

”Beg,” he stated with a small grunt. 

You shook your head and continued to move your body up and down on his cock. Ren grabbed a fist full of your hair and pulled. You stopped all motion and your hands raised to balance yourself.

“I said beg, doll,” he hissed into your ear. You swallowed nothing, his hand letting go of your hair.

"Continue,” he commanded. You continued to move your hips up and down on his thick cock.

”Please,” you whined our, his hand pressing your tummy so your back was against his chest. He gave a sound of reassurance.

”Fuck me with your huge cock,” you started with a cry. Ren let out a deep, happy breath as he began thrusting his hips upwards and into your tight cunt.  

“A-And do as you please with my clit and make me cum,” you pleaded, a moan slipping from your mouth as you felt him thrusting into your walls.

"Good girl,” he breathed loudly, moving his hand to your dripping cunt, pinching your clit gently. You felt your body quiver as he started rubbing fast circles around the button. You blinked hard, tears of pleasure escaping your eyes as you held onto his knees for stabilization. You moaned loudly, feeling small waves of pleasure gradually grow larger and more overbearing.

Ren bit your neck softly, sucking as he continued his hand and hip movements, bringing you closer to the brink. 

“Hurry up you whore, I’m going to cum,” he said in a deep voice. You felt your fingers digging into his strong legs as the binds inside of you let loose. You came, your juices spilling out of your cunt and all over his dick. He came just after, slowing down his movements while riding out his orgasm. You felt so bubbly and yet so tired. You collapsed backwards onto his chest, his hands quickly taking control. He ran them up your sides, massaging your breasts gently.

”You did so good, sweetheart,” he whispered in your ear. Your heart melted yet again as you placed your trembling hands over his. He rested his chin on the top of your head and lifted you off of his cum covered cock, reaching for a towel on his night stand. He rubbed his cock with it, wiping the cum away, then cleaning you as well. Your legs twitched subtly as Ren laid you beside him.

"You’re such a sweet thing. I’m so proud,” he hushed, pulling the sheets over you as the two of you cuddled.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> •Hux gives you hickies & degades you  
> •Oral sex (reader/Hux, Hux is receiver)  
> •Somewhat jealous Kylo but also not really   
> •Horny Kylo  
> •Vaginal sex (Kylo/Reader)

Few days had passed and Ren began meagerly leaving his quarters to get his work done again. Of course you hated it, especially the fact that he started wearing that damned helmet more often. You began to remember your hatred for the horribly toggled voice, the one that you didn’t fall in love with. You realized how only a few abstract attitudes and emotions showed through the filtering gear, which solely revolves around sadism and anger. How mocking Ren’s tones could be, or how desolate and menacingly evil he could become by just speaking through the God awful mask. You absolutely hated it. It wasn’t the true Ren, not the true _Ben_.

You sat bored in Ren’s quarters, having nothing to do but wait for your meals. The highlight of your wait would be when he would make a quick stop in and bring you a meal. Even though he had only done it twice so far, you hoped it would become a regular routine of his. Although, you hoped even harder he would stop having to leave his quarters for so many wasted hours all together. 

However, when the large metallic door rose this day, you quickly noticed the figure bringing your meal was not Ren. You wanted to break the man’s nose. It was Hux. He held a plate of some sort of cooked meat and grains, a beverage in his other hand. He placed everything down on Ren’s bedside table, shaking his head as I saw you.

"You disgust me,” he spat angrily, his eyes practically bulging out of his pale face. You cocked an eyebrow at him, grabbing a piece of the meat and beginning to eat it.

”How so?”

"You sit in Ren’s quarters all day being unproductive.”

You shook your head at Hux, not fearing him. Sure, you completely hated him, but you were no longer scared of his authority. If he had hurt you, Ren would surely kill him.

"What am I going to do, leave Ren’s quarters and go heil the flag of first order?”

Hux stepped forward towards you and grabbed your wrist. You didn’t flinch. 

"If you touch me, Ren will murder you. And besides, you wouldn’t want any blood stains on your professional ship, would you?” You asked, immense amounts of bravery in your system. 

Hux looked you in the eye, slapping you straight across the face. You jumped to your bare feet, tackling him to the ground. The two of you wrestled for a moment and you got some hits that you were fairly proud of in on him, but soon enough he was on top of you, his nose dripping bright blood down his face. His lip quivered and he placed a firm hand around your throat, spitting in your face.

”Worthless cunt,” he shouted, his icy blue eyes stinging worse than the words he spoke. You tried to steady your breathing, reaching your hands up over his, attempting to peel them from your sensitive neck, the bruises Ren had left painfully tickling. Hux moved his hand, brushing his finger tips over the 3 small but noticeable marks on your neck.

”Look. You’re more of a bitch than Ren. You’re Ren’s bitch," Hux grunted.

"Let’s see how he feels about me taking his property, since he thinks it’s so funny to claim my ship as his,” He suggested angrily. You thrashed against Hux’s force, but he grabbed your wrists with one hand, holding them in place above your head. He leaned his head down to your neck, his other hand forcing your chin up. He left a hard bite mark near your collar bone, sucking above it at the base of your neck. You angrily shook your upper half, cursing at him. He left a trail of bright purple bruises up your neck, biting a part to the point of puncture, a few drops of blood forming at the top of your skin.

Jusy as you began to give in, Hux stood, fixing his disheveled uniform. He stood still for a moment before giving your stomach a hard kick, leaving the room. You stayed on the ground, shaking. Confidence can lead you down a painful path, you realized. But you couldn’t wait for Ren to come back so you could get him to beat the living Hell out of Hux.

_________________________________

**Some Hours Later**

You woke up to the sensation of Ren shaking you lightly, his hand on your shoulder.

”Kitten,” he said in a hushed voice. You were so ecstatic that he was home that the moment you realized what was going on, you hooked up and wrapped your arms around him.

”I hate Hux!” You shouted, clinging onto his neck and swinging. Ren grabbed your waist and sat you back down on the bed, nodding.

”Fair statement, but why?”

You sighed and covered a part of your neck with your hand, pretending to scratch the back of your neck.

”He is just a very unlikable and rude person. You lifted your shirt on your side, showing him the bruised boot mark he left. Ren ran his thumb over it lightly before pulling his hand away. 

"All because I said he’d be dead if he touched me.”

Ren cocked an eyebrow. 

"What did you tell him?” 

"That you’d kill him. And I made fun of how sensitive he is about his precious ship.”

Ren tsked and placed his hand on the small of your back, shaking his head. 

“Oh Tooke, you started this, didn’t you?” You opened your mouth to protest.

"I should call Hux up for you to give him a former apology,” he added, walking into his office room. You felt sick, repulsed by the idea of speaking to Ren’s general. You slapped your hands to both of your knees angrily. 

A few moments later, Ren came back out and nodded to you. 

"Hux will be-" 

Ren paused and stepped up to you, placing his hand on your neck, thumbing over your fresh bruises and bloodied bite marks. He clenched his jaw and looked to you. Ren cleared his throat and stood straight up.

General Hux entered the room suddenly, the door closing loudly behind him. Ren looked at you and pointed to the ground in front of the ginger male.

”On your knees,” he ordered you aggressively. You raised an eyebrow at him and parted your lips to protest.

”Right now,” Ren added menacingly, moving his pointed hand. You stood awkwardly for a moment before getting onto your knees in front of the General, who began to unbuckle his black belt. He then pulled it away from his belt loops and held it professionally between his hands. 

“Do the rest for him, Kitten,” Ren said, his face looking thirsty. You looked at Him for reassurance as you reached your hand up to the Red-haired man’s pants’ button and he nodded. You undid the button, unzipping them as well. You then looked at Hux who was chuckling at the nickname 'Kitten'. You inhaled deeply and moved his pants down a little, pushing his underwear below his rising cock.

You heard Ren shift, sitting down on his bed. 

“Tell him you’re sorry,” Ren ordered Ina  soft but strict voice. 

“I’m sorry,” you recited. Ren shook his head.

”Slap her. With the belt. Anywhere,” Ren told the general.

You looked at him confused.

”You didn’t say what you were sorry for,” he stated.

“And, you didn’t even sound _that_ sincere.”

You were busy loathing over the idea of being harmed that you didn’t even notice when Hux had claimed he would strike you on your back. When he did, you winced and jumped a little bit, looking up at him, Hux had a huge smirk on his stupid face. You shook your head subtly at him.

"Now treat him like you treat me,” Ren said in a quiet voice, hunching towards the two of you, his elbows on his knees and his head resting in his hands. 

You swallowed and looked at Hux, already semi-Hard. You reached your hand out, wrapping your fingers around his cock, movinh your wrist up and down slowly. Hux let out a happy sigh, putting his hands on your head, the belt in his right fist being a sort of warning. 

You opened your mouth and licked from the base of Hux’s shaft to the tip, before wrapping your lips around his cock. You bobbed your head up and down, moving your hands in the same motion. Hux let out a loud and unnecessary moan, clutching the back of your head.

”That’s it, _kitten,"_ hefiredatboth you and ren. You peered up at Hux, his head tilted back slightly as he pushed your head down on his cock. You swallowed him whole, causing you to gag slightly, your saliva completely coating his throbbing cock. You sucked on his tip as you bobbed your head up, swirling your tongue in circles around it, a bit of his precum spilling out and into your mouth. You swallowed the salty liquid, continuing to pump your hands quickly up and down his shaft as you moved your lips from his member. You sped up, trying to get it over with when you felt fingers playing with your cunt. You looked back but saw nothing. You turned to Ren, seeing a small but noticeable, dark smirk on his face. The fingers spread your pussy lips, dragging up and down your slit agonizingly slow.

” _No need to rush_ ,” you heard as an echoing voice in your mind.

You began to put Hux’s cock back into your mouth, bobbing your head up and down to try to escape the messages being run through your mind.

” _It doesn’t matter how slow or how fast you go, I’m going to absolutely ruin you when he leaves_.” You felt yourself nearly melt as an invisible thumb and finger punched your clit gently, rubbing slowly.

Just as the fingers stopped, Hux shot his warm liquid down your throat. You swallowed all of his fluids, gasping for breath as he pulled his cock from your mouth, fixing his uniform.

”Apology accepted,” he stated, thinking he was being witty.

You stared at Ren with desire as Hux left.  He locked the door, and you got up, practically pouncing on the man. You tangled your fingers in his long, dark locks as you kissed him on his lips. He pulled you from him after a moment.

”You didn’t start anything, you’re a good girl. I just wanted to see how you’d act in front of company,” He whispered to you, biting your ear lobe gently. Ren ran his fingers over the purple bruises for a moment.

”But these are unacceptable,” he grunted, moving his head down and sucking hard on the skin that had yet to be marked. Your eyes fluttered at the sensation, your hands tugging at his hair gently. Ren let out a quiet moan into your neck as you did so. He pulled away, lifting your shirt from your torso, undoing your bra. He tossed the two clothing items to the side as he pushed your hair behind your ear. 

"I don’t want anyone else to ever claim you," he added, giving a small nip to your neck, which was now heavily bruised. Ren soothed over the fresh bruises with small licks and kisses as your heart fluttered. You closed your eyes, feeling peaceful. Ren then picked you up and spun you onto hands and knees, running his large, calloused and yet soft hands down your body, giving your ass a gentle squeeze.

”Don’t forget about how I said I was going to ruin you,” he grunted. Your face heated up at the sound of Ren’s belt coming off of his body, and soon his pants followed. He stripped of his boxers and fitted black shirt after a moment as well, grabbing you by the hips and shifting to get in a comfortable stance. He then pushed his hard cock into your cunt, which was already so wet from all of his talk and touching. You let out a small moan, clutching the sheets beneath you. Ren pulled out completely, slowly pushing back into you, your juices dripping out of your cunt and onto his cock. 

Ren moved you onto your back at a quick pace, holding your hands above your head as he aligned himself with your entrance, sliding in. You moaned and subconsciously pulled at your arms, wanting desperately to touch yourself as Ren fucked you. He quickly began pumping himself into you faster, removing one hand from your wrists, keeping the other one above your head. He held his hand over your breast, running his large thumb over your nipple,  giving it a slight pinch. You let out a slight whimper from the pleasurable pain,  arching your back upwards and into his thrusting cock.

Ren moved the hand that was on your breast down slowly to your hot cunt, rubbing a small circle around your clit. You let out a breathy moan as he chuckled at your writhing body, sweat forming on both of your faces. 

"Are you going to come for me, you dirty girl?” He questioned. You nodded, practically panting as you felt your cunt tightening around Ren’s cock. He gave a powerful last thrust, and you practically passed out. You were filled with ecstasy, your whole body twitching as your orgasm came to an end. Your eyes felt heavy, and your muscles weaked but you loved it, and so did Ren. He pulled out of you, his seed spilling out of your cunt. 

Ren leaned down to your cunt and lapped at your clit, sucking gently. You placed your hands on his head, far too sensitive to continue. You would surely cry, or even pass out. You felt him smile against your heat, moving away from your body.

”You don’t want to?” He asked you, rubbing his hand up and down your thigh in a relaxing way. 

You shook your head, barely able to even  move.

Ren shrugged and sighed.

“Then I’m not going to help you come for three days, and you’re not going to be allowed to touch yourself,” he determined. You stared at him, too tired to comprehend anything, so you just nodded. Your hearing had been fuzzy at the moment anyways. You rested your head on Ren’s chest when he laid next to you, a cocky smile on his face. You’d ask him what he said when you woke up.


	11. Chapter 11

 

* * *

You woke up hours later, the sound of water running echoing through Ren’s quarters. You rose slowly, trudging over to the refresher. You knocked quietly, receiving no answer. You pulled it open, glancing in. You closed the door behind you and began to strip of your clothing that you ended up putting on some hours ago. You heard the shower door open up slightly and Ren glanced out at you. You looked at him and smiled groggily, stepping into the shower beside him. He moved forward, giving you room to get in. Ren poured shampoo into his hands, washing his hair with hard working hands, his fingers getting lost in his thick head of dark hair. You stared at the back of his body, how muscular his shoulders and arms were. You ran your hand over his shoulder, feeling the warmth of his skin.

Ren turned to you in a questioning manner. You stood awkwardly for a moment before pointing to the soap he had in his hands. He simply poured some in his hands, rubbing it into your hair. You closed your eyes, admiring the sensation of having your head rubbed by him. His thick, strong hands massaging your scalp. Ren moves you in front of him, causing you to be closer to the running water. You put your head under the running water, the soap rinsing from your hair. Ren let his hands rest on your shoulders, massaging them with his thumbs gently. You tilted your head to the side slightly, Ren raising his hand to the base of your neck. He slid up, his fingers grazing the skin gently. Your whole torso tingled, his fingers massaging your neck.

Ren pulled his hands away, pouring more soap into his hands and rubbing it down your body. He rubbed the solution into your sides, grabbing your hips for a second. You whipped your head back at him, a mishevious grin on his face. You gave him a sarcastic looking smile, shaking your head. He moved his hands back up your body, rubbing the soap over your breasts, giving gentle squeezes before sliding a hand back up to the front of your neck, tilting your head back to his chest. Ren shut off the shower and stepped out. You stood in the cold empty space for a moment, pointing your head out of the shower to look at him.

He glanced up at you, raising an eyebrow as he pulled on his pants.

You crosses your arms and stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel and drying yourself off. You slipped on your clothes and walked in an irritated manner back to the central room. Ren finished getting ready and said nothing to you as he left, placing his helmet on his head.

 

**-THE NEXT EVENING-**

 

You and Ren had been making out for a few minutes now, your hand locked in his hair. You tossed your leg over his hips, straddling his lower body. You moved your hands were on his clothed chest, the black fabric of his shirt feeling soft. He gave you a gentle smile, moving to sit somewhat upright. You leaned back down to kiss him, his lips soft and warm. His tongue tempting your bottom lip. You opened your mouth slightly, his tongue slipping in. You slid your hands back to his hair, grabbing fist fulls of his dark locks. He placed his large hands on your hips, holding you boldly. You felt his erection against your lower body, causing you to give a small smile in the kiss, sucking his bottom lip gently.

”Are you going to let me cum?” You questioned quietly. Ren looked at you, looking around the room for a moment, moving his hand from your waist and running it through his hair.

”We’ll see. Let me fuck your mouth first, then we’ll decide,” he said quietly, although the sternness was still obvious. You wiggled out of his lap, moving to the ground beside the bed. He sat completely up on the edge, parting his legs. He reached to his belt, unbuckling it and pulling it away from the belt loops. He set it neatly beside him, pulling his pants off as well, and then his boxers. His erection sprung free, and he stared at you in the eyes.

”Come,” he commanded, and you shuffled over to him on your knees. He placed his hands on the back of your head, rubbing your scalp gently, before pushing your mouth down on his cock. You coughed for a moment, choking on his length, before placing your hands around it and moving them up and down. Ren moaned quietly, gritting his teeth. He kept his large hands on the back of your head as you slid your tongue up and down his shaft as you bobbed your head in sync with his hands. 

Ren moaned, his face growing slightly red you shifted a little bit on your knees, pulling your mouth from his cock. You pumped your hands quicker, looking up at him. His head was tilted back, his Adam’s apple visibly bobbing, a moan erupting grin his throat. Ren pulled your hair into two pig tails with just his hands, holding you in place. He moved his hips forward and backwards, his tip hitting the back of your throat. Your eyes watered, your hands pumping his shaft in sync with his thrusts. 

You felt his cock twitch in your mouth, hot liquid shooting down the back of your throat. You swallowed, Ren releasing your hair. His face was a dark pink. He held his hand out, helping you stand to your feet. 

“You’re so good at that,” he stated, placing his hands on his head.

”I have to go though,” he added after a moment, the slightest smirk on his face. You crossed your arms over your chest and watched him put on his helmet and leave. You watched him, frustration overbearing your body. Now you had to wait again, sitting alone in the boring room with nobody and nothing to do.

**-3 HOURS LATER-**

 

You could do nothing but loiter until Ren returned, as though you were a loyal canine. And just like a dog, whenever you heard the heavy sound of footsteps that were almost always Ren’s, you’d get excited and whip your head up from whatever you were doing beforehand. And right then, you heard the heavy thumps of his feet, the heavy metal door lifting. Ren walked in, pulling off his helmet. You waved to him, looking away almost immediately. You were upset with him; not only did he refuse to bring you over the edge earlier, you were starting to get bored of having to sit in a lonesome and quiet room all day.

”What’s the matter?” He asked after a few moments, his helmet being placed into his large closet, his outer robes slinging off of his body, revealing his thin frame, the skin tight clothes practically a part of his body.

”Nothing.” 

“Are you sick? Do you need medical attention?” 

You simply shook your head. Ren turned his attention towards you as he hadn’t heard a response.

”Tooke, why shake your head when I’m not looking? It’s quite useless.”

You couldn’t help but smile slightly. You watched his lips curl up into a grin as he came towards you, sitting on the edge of the bed, prying off his thick boots, knocking them to the bedside. He set them neatly next to eachother, his hair somewhat frizzed up. 

You sat upright, hoping to earn any type of affection- sexual or not. You rested your chin on your knee, holding your legs to your body as you began to think again. Ren turned his direction towards you, raising an eyebrow.

”Are you sure you’re okay?” He pushed. You nodded. Ren shifterd his body fully onto the bed, looking at you intently. You heard the familiar ringing in your ears, your brain feeling as though it was melting.

”You’re bored, no?” He questioned. You simply nodded at him who tsked, placing his hand over his chin as he thought.

”It would be nice to have somebody other than The General to help me with some of my work, such as filing... Perhaps we can work something out. Although I might have a hard time convincing the others that you’re...”

”Broken,” you said.

”No, you’re not _broken,_ ” Ren stated defensively. He went quiet for a moment.

”If anything, you’re fixed,” he huffed, looking at you for reassurance. You stared back at him for a moment, seeing desperation in his eyes. You swallowed hard and nodded silently. He nodded as well, resting his head on your chest, letting out a sigh.

”You’re so quiet these days, Tooke. And so good. I wonder if I have broken you,” he joked. But now that you thought about it, he was completely right. You developed a fear of speaking against Ren, your opinion didn’t matter to him, and if he disagreed you’d be harmed in one way or another. Instead, now Ren was the chatty one, always trying to converse with you about normal things, as if he was a life long friend from back home. 

You brusbed your hair out of your eyes, Ren looking up at you, sitting up right. He looked around the room, inhaling deeply.

”if you’d like,” Ren started, grabbing your attention.

”I can show you what you can do for me when I’m busy working. Would you like that?” He asked.

You nodded, and got off of the bed, leading you to his office type room, pulling out a data pad from an old drawer.

”Okay Tooke, come.”

You walked to him, peering down at the data pad in his large hands which powered on. 

“I need you to keep a constant watch for data transmissions. It is vigor that you read through them thoroughly, and you must redirect them to Hux- which is very easy by the way,” Ren stopped and pressed a button on the side of the screen showing a list of names you could forward the transmission to.

”You find Hux in here,” he said, waving his gloved hand over the screen.

”And while there are no transmissions, you may go through these documents and delete anything that is not locked,” he added.

You nodded and looked at him, slightly happier.

”I know it is not ideal, but soon enough you’ll be able to come out with me,” Ren stated in a calm voice. You smiled politely with a quick nod as he looked at you. Anything beats sitting in a locked room all day.

 


	12. Chapter 12

A few nights had passed, and you were starting to get the hang of the job Ren had assigned to you. It wasn’t great, but at least it occupied you for the hours in which you were left alone in the shell. One hour in specific, you had been curious as to what was so special about all of the transmissions. You scoured through the oldest ones, dating back to before you had even joined the resistance. You sighed, stopping and reminiscing the time you shared with the resistance. Organa had grown close to you, and was almost like your mother. You weren’t a lead excecutive or anything, so you didn’t always know what exact plans would be. Sometimes, though, if you were lucky Organa would casually chat with you and tell you about future ideas she hadn’t told anybody else.

You also remembered the way she talked about Ren- Well, Ben. She talked about him as if he had died, which isn’t too far off. Organa spoke of how sweet but shy he was as a kid, how bright he was. But she stated she should have known there would be trouble because of his intolerance to criticism. 

You looked behind you and to the door frame, glancing to the untidy bed, then back at the data pad. Organa couldn’t be more right. You felt your heart was heavy, you missed your friends, your _family_. The air in the room felt thinner as you thought of everyone you miss oh so much, and how terribly they must think of you. They probably think you abandoned them for first order, or that you got killed like a weak child- you were one of the resistances least valuable soldiers in your own eyes. You wished you could just see them again and tell them how sorry you are and that you will still always love and care for them. 

You constantly think back to the days bedits you had been caught and basically imprisoned by Ren, and how disgusted everyone in First Order looked at you when Ren grabbed your damaged body. That’s what it looked like. Disgust. But you couldn’t really tell, your eyes were foggy from all of the tears, and you were dizzy and practically vomiting from all of the pain Ren’s saber had caused you. You looked down at your body and peeled your shirt up slightly, looking at the scar he had left. You pulled your shirt back down after a moment and laid your head on the desk, a knocking sound at the doorway. You jumped slightly in your seat, spinning back around to see Ren standing with a tray of food. 

You waved at him and he walked over to you, pushing the data pad out of the way to place the tray down, sitting across from you.

”Are you alright?” He asked as you examined the food, picking at it slightly. You nodded unconvincingly, and Ren sighed, intertwining his fingers with eachother, looking down. 

“What is the problem?” He asked you, reaching across the desk, holding out his hand. You placed yours in his and shrugged, telling him that you just didn’t feel well. He questioned further, and you explained it was nothing more than a headache and that you were just tired. Ren nodded and rubbed your hand gently.

”You may rest. Should I leave you alone?” He asked you.

You shrugged and looked at the food sitting on the tray.

”Well, I have a lot of work to be done, so I should be going back. But I will try to come back a little bit earlier. I’ll see you soon,” he said, getting up, pushing your hair behind your ear as he left the room. You heard the hissing sound of his helmet along with the sound of the large heavy door as he left. You turned back, your  “headache” miraculously gone. You had simply wanted to be alone, away from Ren for a moment. You pushed your untouched tray aside, cautiously picking up the data pad again.

You scrolled through the transmissions, dozens of them simple conversations between Hux and Ren regarding repairs and meeting times. You felt your body shrink, and your face heat up at the thought of Hux. You preferred Ren over him by a lot.

As you scrolled, you found a file named “RESIST. MESS. 1.”

You noticed the format of the name was much different than all of the others, which were titled in simple numbers and codes, only the opened files containing proper Galactic Basic. Curiously, you clicked open the file, majorly irked by the title. You skimmed through it, not yet convinced that it would be vigor enough to read in its entirety. As you continued, you noticed heavy talk of bribery for a supposed “soldier”. This sparked a deeper interest.

 _”As a head in the Resistance, my peers and I have determined that we are willing to pay for the return of our soldier(s)- We understand you may not have spared all of them- by simply setting them free on a populated planet. This, of course, is not a surrender nor a compromise of any sort of shared economy or information regarding certain coordinates,”_ A message sent from a system or computer, you supposed, under the title of symbols even you could never detect. 

You stared curiously at the screen, scrolling down to search for a response.

” _They are all gone, Organa. I can tell it is you. They are all gone_.”

You swallowed at the harshness. You knew it was Ren. You continued to scroll

” _Ben, come home. I know you’re there. Not all of them are gone, I can feel it. I sometimes see your horrible ship and I can feel it in my bones; some are still alive. We just want our soldiers home, they have families. Just like me. Just like you._ ”

“ _Ben_.”

 _“They’re all dead. The best one to kill was the young one who went under cover, (Y/N), I think. She fought for her life, but she was weak. Her efforts were fruitless, as were yours_.”

That was where the messages stopped, you felt your stomach churn. How could Ren lie to his mother like that. Did he really want to kill you? You were so confused and heavy, your limbs could snap off and you wouldn’t be shocked. 

You looked behind you, making sure you were alone before you began typing. 

“General Organa, I am alive. (Y/N). I’m alive, let everyone know. I don’t know if anyone else is still-,” you paused.

_Around? Alive? With us?_

Yousighed and continued typing. “ _Safe. Ren had me isolated in a room before moving me in with him. I think he wants to return, but I don’t think he will yet. I’m so sorry for failing you. Don’t send transmissions back, I’m sure Ren will see. I’m so sor_ ry _.”_

You sent the message, holding your breath. You Reread the previous messages between Ren and Organa, shaking your head at Ren’s stupid lies. Your friends must have been so heart broken and so on edge for the past while. You wanted so bad to return, but you would love to return with Ren. You cared for him, and you assumed he cared for you- but as you had learned before, he _is_ a master manipulator. You couldn’t tell for sure if he truly cared for you, or if he just wanted to get under your skin.

The fact of the matter, although, was that you had no idea of Skywalker’s coordinates, which was Ren’s main objective to strip from you. You knew some valuable information though, but you’d never spill it to Ren, no matter how much you cared for him. He’d fall deeper into his pit of darkness and share whatever he could get with Hux and Snoke- who you’d never met, but you hated him even more than Hux- and get your closest friends murdered, or worse, held captive by First Order, and if anyone would know how terrible it was, it would be you. 

You shut off the data pad, getting out of the chair, stretching. As you walked out of the office and into the main room, the huge door lifted, and your biggest enemy walked in- Hux.

”(Y/N).” He stated, walking with confidence. 

You felt an overwhelming amount of anxiety grab ahold of you. You quickly walked to the side of the bed to sit down, your face losing its color. 

“I was ordered to come down here after Ren explained to me that you have a headache,” he said, blood rushing back to your face, your cheeks now growing red, a huge contrast from the paleness of it before. You took deep breaths as you tried to maintain your physical calmness, although you were screaming internally.

”This medicine will heavily sedate you, Ren doesn’t seem to want you in pain,” Hux stated, sitting down next to you on the bed as he pulled a bottle of pills from his formal coat, opening it and getting one out. 

“You have to take three, each one 5 minutes apart from one another,” he stated. You noticed how not terrible he was being- was he okay?

You simply nodded, taking the first pill, swallowing it dry. 

“I can’t understand why Ren takes pity on you. You have a headache, and it doesn’t seem to be half as horrible as what I’d expected. But of course you’d do anything for your master, you’re so loyal,” he called tauntingly as he rose, getting a glass of water for you from across the kitchen. There it was, his horrid personality. 

“Right?” He said as he returned.

“I don’t know you as well as Ren, and even I know you aren’t in the most critical of pain. I’ve heard you scream and cry before, and you don’t seem to be doing that right now.”

You reached to punch him, but he quickly grabbed your wrist, lowering it back down to your side. He smiled his stupid smile, his icy blue eyes piercing yours. You hated them. They were gorgeous, but terrifying. You couldn’t put your finger on why, but they just seemed to be so empty. Well not empty, but rather lacking in everything except anger and hatred. Maybe it was his determination to make you miserable that made you correlate his eyes with negativity, but you didn’t care what it was, you simply knew you didn’t like them. 

You looked at the ceiling, a sigh pushing out of your lips.

”Why weren’t you already laying down when I came in?” He questioned. You thought for a moment. You couldn’t say that you were finishing work for Ren, because then he’d refuse to allow Ren to let you work in the general public again. 

You simply pointed to the refresher. Hux nodded. You were relieved, for a moment.

”Well, I’d understand, except you didn’t look to be coming from the refresher, but Ren’s office.” 

You acted as though you had totally messed up, your mouth gaping. You claimed you had forgotten (your headache, obviously), and you walked into the office only after using the restroom to finish up less than five minutes worth of file organizing for Ren. Hux seemed to believe you this time, not furthering his interrogation.

He handed you the second pill, and you took it quickly. Ren turned his body to look at the ground, a deep sigh moving his entire body. He looked up and shook his head.

”This is Bullshit. Everything is, Ren is so oddly fixated on you, rather than our original plans that we’ve been speaking of for years. There is something wrong with him, maybe he’s mentally ill,” Hux said.

”Shut up,” you snapped.

”Can you stop talking for 2 minutes?” You asked him. He looked at you, his jaw clenched.

”You should be honored. I don’t talk nearly this much in front of others. But then again, I’m only speaking to you this much because I know you’re useless and nobody will ever take what you say as important,” he hissed, throwing you the third pill.

”You know how to count, whore,” he shouted, getting up and leaving. The door closed behind him. You stuck up your nose at him as he walked away, shaking your head. You waited a few minutes until taking the third pill, washing it down with water. The effects seemed to be working rather fast, drowsiness ambushing you. At least now it would feel as though time went by faster when you were asleep until Ren was home. You laid your body down, the room feeling darker but more comfortable as you drifted off.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m thinking of creating a story of Kylo/Reader AU where it’s in early college or late highschool. Tell me what you guys think of that.  
>  I’m also very sorry for the short chapter.

Only a couple of hours of deep sleep had passed when you heard the sound of Ren’s heavy door opening. You groggily lifted your head to see Ren’s lower body behind the door. You moved your feet onto the floor, wobbling a bit, your vision blurry.

You stumbled backwards, hitting the wall.  Ren glanced up, pulling his helmet off and quickly pacing over to you. He held you as your muscles relaxed, collapsing in his arms. You let out a deep sigh, not being able to fix your eyes on anything. All was blurry.

Ren carefully pulled you back to your feet, holding you firmly. 

“How many did you take?” Ren asked you, concerned. He had been bending his knees to be level with you. Your eyes fixed past him, his face blurry and melty.

”Hux gave me one for each step,” you said in a slurred voice, your knees buckling. 

“How many?” He said, his voice getting louder. 

“Three, I think,” you said weakly, your heart racing.

Ren let out a loud groan, gently sitting you on the ground.

”Stay laying down, don’t get up. Don’t come out. I’m gonna kill that asshole,” he  said in a quiet but angry voice. You nodded at him, rolling onto your side, your vision was still distorted, your thoughts disoriented. Ren slipped on his shoes and you reached your hand out to him gently. He walked to you, his helmet under his arm. He ran his hand over yours, nodding.

”I’ll be back soon,” he stated, placing his helmet on his head, leaving.

 


	14. Chapter 14

You slipped in and out of consciousness, and with each awakening you grew increasingly anxious. Would you be okay?  Did Hux know he would be hurting you, or did he normally take that dosage of medication? You fought to stay awake, causing your head to genuinely start hurting, as well as your stomach. You used your arms, soft and weak, to push yourself up. You tried to keep yourself alert as your eyes continuously rolled back in your head, your whole body jerking when you caught yourself. You needed water.

You carefully moved your feet over the side of the bed, picking up a glass Ren kept by the bedside. You pushed yourself against the wall, grabbing onto it for support as you stumbled down the corridors and to the sink. You held onto the handle for dear life, filling the cup up.  Your body ached from the forced movements, considering how relaxed and exhausted your muscles felt. See, the pills are depressors, they make everything slow and tired. 

As you held the handle and drank your water, you could hear Ren entering the room. You whipped your head around, seeing him rush over to you, tossing his helmet onto the bed as he came over. You spotted several visible bruises and bloody cuts on his face. Ren grabbed your hand, his other hand holding your side firmly to keep you balanced. You finished the cup, gasping for air, running your eyes. Ren lead you back to the bed, laying you down gently. He rubbed his hand over your face, caressing your cheek gently. 

“You’ll be okay,” he said to you in a hushed tone, which was odd to hear from him. He combed all of your loose hairs behind your ear as he looked down to you. You noticed his hands, the knuckles red and bruised. You weakly lifted your arms, holding onto his hand with both of yours.

”What happened?” 

He sat beside you, and you reached up, gently rubbing your thumb over a small cut on his brow.

”Hux and I got in a fight.”

You couldn’t help but smile a little. Two grown men- seemingly responsible enough to run a practical empire- were so childish that they got into a fiat fight.

Ren looked angry.

”Do you have any idea how serious this is? You could have been killed!” He shouted.

You felt slightly more awake when he yelled as you were alarmed. You stared at him for a moment before reaching to pull up your shirt slightly, pointing to the reddish-whiteish scar.

”I could have died then, too.”

Ren opened his mouth to speak, then he stopped, clutching your wrist tightly. He then opened his mouth again.

“I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know how different you were, how _caring_  somebody could be,” he said, almost angrily. Your chest rose and fell slowly, the pills the only thing keeping you truly calm.

You could only look at him for a moment before you lost consciousness again.

 

____

 

Your eyes whipped open, and you glanced around the room. You were no longer in Ren’s quarters, but rather the medical ward. By now your vision had returned to normal and you no longer felt ill, but you were still anxious that you had been severely harmed by the medication. You were also curious as to what Hux has done, whether it had been accidental, or if he had genuinely tried to get rid of you. 

The medical ward was empty aside from you, and nearly silent, besides the beeping of the machine which was hooked up to you. A needle stuck from your forearm, taped down into place. You rubbed your eyes with your free arm, the screen of the machine which was hooked up to you, along with the bulb from a distant room your only source of light. You squinted, wanting to rip out the needle and go find Ren and ask him what happened, or even to go find Hux and beat the living shit out of him, but you knew that removing a medical device with no assistance could be extremely dangerous, and you were already looked down upon enough by the other members of first order, and to be seen with bags under your eyes in a hospital gown, messy hair and all, would be horrible for your image.

You pushed your hair behind your ear, wondering if there was any staff around. You noticed a button on the wall behind you, so you pressed it. A few moments later, you could hear the sound of shoes clicking against the tile floors, the curtain opening.

”Yes?” the young woman said as she stepped in. 

“I’m sorry to bother you but I would like some water, and I hate a few questions,” you stated, trying to sound as nice as possible. Maybe the members of first order would suck up to you because they thought Ren was in love with you or something. 

The woman nodded and left for a moment, bringing back a canteen. You drank from it, wiping your mouth. The woman stood, waiting for your question.

Quenched, you opened your mouth and spoke.

”What happened? Why am I here?”

”Well according to Ren and the General, you attempted to overdose,” she stated. You clenched your jaw.

”Oh? Right,” you said.

”Thank you. Goodbye.”

The lady looked confused, but turned and left, the sounds of her steps fading down the hallway.

Why would Ren lie abou you? He says he cares so much about you, and he certainly acts like it, but thats not at all evidence of him caring. You sat awake, your arms crossed over your chest, stewing over the whole situation for what felt like hours.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS!
> 
> •Nonconsensual & nonpleasurable touching  
> •Blinded-by-anger Kylo  
> •Angry Reader  
> •Non-sexual humiliation (to an extent)  
> •Feelsbadman

* * *

After falling back asleep, you woke up, still fuming with anger. How could Ren lie and say that you tried to overdose? Did he TRULY care about you like you cared about him? You stared at all of the tubes and needles around the rooms, some of which were currently in your body. This only made you more angry. You pressed the alert button repeatedly until a different nurse than last night walked in.

”Yes?” She asked with a huff.

”I’d like to go. Back to Ren’s quarters. Where I reside.”

The woman pursed her lips and looked around for a moment.

”Well...” 

You looked at her with agitation, and she sighed.

”You are in much better condition now than you were just a few hours ago... I’ll let you go just this one time.” 

“But you’ll need an escort,” she said with a pause. “I’ll call in a trooper,” she thought aloud before leaving the room. You sat and stirred for a bit, still in the thin, white hospital gowns. You imagined how you would scold Ren for being so terrible as to make up such a humiliating lie about you. He would feel so guilty, you presumed.

The nurse came back and explained she had ordered a trooper to come. She then came over and carefully lifted the tapes around the IV needle in your arm, pulling it out cautiously. You cringed at the feeling of it sliding out of your flesh. She quickly sanitized it and wrapped it in a bandage, patting your arm. She handed you some hospital- like slippers to wear. They were uncomfortable and thin, but they would do.

She lead you to the trooper and explained to them that you would be going to Ren’s quarters as of right now.

He lead you to your destination and managed to open the door. You stepped inside, not seeing Ren in his bed. The trooper left, and you walked into the office. There he was, sitting there with his data pad. 

You looked at him angrily, and he glanced up at you nonchalantly, then back at his data pad.

”Why would you lie about me?” You hissed at him, stepping forwards. He looked back to you, a bit more emotion in his eyes, but nothing more than a drop. You continued to stare into the deep lakes of his eyes.

”To protect you, to protect myself, and Hux,” he answered, trying to make his voice sound heroic and deep. You lick your lips and push him hard on his chest- he stumbles back and hits a wall. He moves his head in a questioning way and holds his arm out with warning. He steps forward.

”(Y/N),” he started. “Never do that, ever again,” he said with threat laced into each word like cyanide.

You shoved him harder and shouted swears at him, angry. He combatted the push quickly and slammed you onto the ground without even touching you, all of your muscles lacking in control. 

“How disobedient- resorting to old times again, yes? I think so; let’s backtrack, huh?- little by little...”

You looked at him in confusion, still unable to move your body, despite how hard you tried. Small beads of sweat grew upon your forehead. He swiped viciously on the screen of his datapad. He looked angry and anxious, his face paler and yet more red than usual-

 

“ _General Organa, I am alive. (Y/N)_ ,” Ren read in a mocking voice, his hands visibly shaking. You felt a rush of defeat, you stopped fighting the force which held you.

“ _I’m alive, let everyone know. I don’t know if anyone else is still safe. Ren had me isolated in a room before moving me in with him. I think he wants to return, but I don’t think he will yet. I’m so sorry for failing you. Don’t send transmissions back, I’m sure Ren will see. I’m so sorry_ ,” he read. You felt as though you could vomit, your heart stopped. You blinked hard, trying to avoid eye contact. 

“I do not want to return to those people- the only person who would ever understand who I am, who could comprehend what I’m doing would be Vader,” he said, his voice getting louder with each word.

”I could kill you if I want,” he said, threateningly. You swallowed hard.

”You could have killed me from day 1 if you wanted.”

”I could have, but I didn’t. You’re so lucky; the message didn’t go through, oh how lucky you are,” he cheered. He sounded like a lunatic. 

“Remember what we did when you were disobedient, when you thrived alone?”

You thought- he raped you. Your mind, your body, your thoughts... All of you. He seized your old self, shattered the mold, and pieced it together with a new outcome in mind, and placed it back in your shell, only you hadn’t thought of this until now. 

He nodded.

”Yes, but I’d put it more of aaaas.... I fixed you. You’re much better now, as a person,” he said darkly, stepping towards you and undoing his dark belt. You hadn’t felt as horrible as you had right now in a long time, it felt like an eternity since you dreaded physical attention from Ren. He released his invisible grasp on you, and you writhed, scrambling back to sit up. You didn’t recognize him in this emotional state; he was not the one who you had been getting to know, not even the same Ren you had originally met.

”Do not fight me; or do... It will be more realistic if you do. And if you don’t, you’re just making things easier,” he said with a sigh as he kicked off his boots, jerking his fly open.

he got down close to you, pushing you hard onto your back. You grabbed at his arm, trying to pull him from whatever land he was in right now to no avail. 

“Ren,” you cried out. No- you choked this out.

”Kylo,” you added, tears growing in your eyes as he pulled the hospital gown from god body. You had never been more fretful of this man, not even the day you had your first real contact with him. He maliciously groped your torso, roughly pinching your nipples with one hand, his other nailed to your ribs to hold you in place. You lightly pushed on his arm, tears in your eyes.

”Kylo,” you cried, the second time you had called him this in a long time. Your voice was wispy and sad, your chest rising and falling unevenly, fear running through your bones. Ren made eye contact with you, then looked at his hands, then back at you. He slowly pulled his hands away and zipped up his pants- no erection.

”I think... you understand,” he said quietly. You stayed on the floor, naked and cold, your body aching and writhing in inexplicable pain. Not from any physical trauma, but rather emotional. Your chest ached and your eyes closed, a slow tear falling out of your left eye, tardily slinking to the puddle on your cheek where all of the other tears reside.

Ren looked at you, looking as if he were a ticking time bomb. He anxiously stepped from side to side and drew his light saber. This is it, he was going to put an end to his brand new guilt, he was going to end his suffering by cutting you off.

You heard the loud energy of the plasma blade sling through the room, the mechanical sound echoing. You braces yourself, seconds feeling like minutes. Kylo shouted angrily and huffed, slashing a thick line in the wall, wires becoming exposed from behind the thin metal layer.

Sparks danced across the wall as he continued his fit of rage, his chest rapidly rising and falling.

”Kylo,” you shouted. He slowed down, dropping the open plasma blade onto the floor. His face was sweaty, stray, dark hairs sticking to his scared face; he was a child. He needed a guardian, but he would not admit this. He wanted to be the guardian.

He looked as though he could cry, his jaw sticking out like a snaggle tooth. Your hearts both raced, and he fell by your side, pulling you into his arms, the echo of the plasma blade regurgitating throughout the room. He pressed the button, turning it off quickly. Ren... Kylo... held you close. He rocked back and fourth slightly, not saying a word. You felt the dampness of his face, not being able to determine if it was sweat, tears, or a mixture of both. You didn’t want to look, either, horrified you’d see the same face you saw mere minutes ago. 

You began to cry again, and he could just simply stroke your hair, your naked body shaking, his clothes one comforting gou as he began whispering-

“I’m so sorry,” he stated quietly.

”I’m so sorry, I’m not myself,” he repeated, holding you to him, your body convulsing with each shallow, hard breath, and occasional shouted cries.

And so we come back to square one; you wanted to die, you felt as though you would just die right there and right then.


	16. Chapter 1- confessionals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All good things must come to an end....
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Even temporarily. A sequel to this fic will be released on the 23rd of this month, I’m not sure what it will be called yet, but I will be sure to make an update letting you know.

You lie there, in Ren’s arms, scared for your life.

”Kylo Ren,” you say quietly.

”You are not Kylo ren,” you add on, shaking your head as tears fall down your face. He shifts his body, furrowing his brows, tears on his face as well.

You’re still shaking your head. 

“Ben solo.”

Kylo stops. He tenses up, his body hard and confused. You turn to face him, cupping his cheek.

”Ben solo; a proud name to have,” you said. He stared back at you, his bottom lip quivering. You were brave to be doing this. 

“We miss you, Ben,” you said, your voice cracking on the last word, his name. Kylo’s true name. You saw the love, the hate, the bloodshed, the hugs and the sex all in his eyes- everything he had experienced in his whole life. He lived through it.

He squeezed your wrist tightly, looking you in the eye.

”Ben,” you repeated, pushing his hair out of his face, you couldn’t stop, you loved him too much. That’s right, you loved him. You didn’t ‘care’ for him, you loved him oh too much. The pain hadn’t left your body yet.

“I love you,” he said with a croaky voice, as if a light show had gone on in his brain and had altered his mind. You part your lips to speak, he cuts you off.

”But I can’t. I have an entire empire on my shoulders, a future built for me-“

”You will die and you’ll kill everyone along the way,” you plead, grabbing onto his hand strongly, your heart throbbing.

”Please,” you beg. 

“I love you,” you cry

”Your mother, she loves you, your uncle, your father-“

You were cut off by him bursting into a fit of loud tears, pulling you closer to him than before.

“(Y/N), I need help,” he cries. 

“I can’t choose, I won’t choose...”

You’re confused. He draws his saber, all is clear. He presses the button and the plasma blade protrudes, showing itself. You shake your head and he twists it in his hand.

”Specially made for me,” he whispers.

You cry harder. 

“Ben,” you plead, crawling over his legs, pulling the heat from his limp hand, retracting the blade.

”Ben,” you repeat, straddling his waist, placing your hands on both sides of his face lovingly.

”You don’t need to feel like this. You can be in control of your life,” you cry to him. He brushes your hair out of your face and  brushes a tear away from your cheek with a thumb. Your heart calls to him, yearns for him to give you the okay, to set himself and you free, to be with the ones you once loved, who you still love.

”The transmission sent,” Kylo says, Ben says. 

You look at him.

”They know, they have known from the minute you sent it.”

You nod. 

“I’m so sorry,” Kylo/Ben says. You cant tell who is who, you can’t tell if he’s reverting to the Ben Organa talked so sweetly about. You just can’t. You cry again. He holds you to him.

”They need you,” You say to the two halves of one whole man who you are on top of.

”I need you,” you say.

”I need to know if I love the real you... If it’s worth it in the end, and I think I already do, you’re hurting your chances,” you cry into him.

Kylo/Ben plays with your hair silently, his chin resting on your head and his nose dug in your hair. All you had been through together ran through your mind. How he had been shaped by you, or maybe it was how his artificial peel had been torn away to reveal what he really once was. His hands played with your hair as the two of you calmed down. You felt drowsy in his arms, and a reassuring stroke on your back made you realize that no matter what he had decided, everything would be alright, Ben would always be what he showed you. 


	17. UPDATE

* * *

I think I might post the second part of the story sooner, just not sure when... stay tuned 

 


End file.
